Marriage Myths

As a result of the times we currently live in we have many factors (celebrities, social media, worldly relationships) that influence us both consciously and subconsciously when it comes to our ideas about marriage. We have an extremely tainted world view when it comes to marriage instead of the God view that we should have. I have recently been convicted to check my own motivations and desires for marriage. Through studying the Word, listening to wise counsel, and leaning in to God, I have concluded that there are 4 major myths (certainly there are more, but for me, these are the ones that stand out) that we believe about marriage that are absolutely not true, according to the Bible.

The 4 Myths We Believe About Marriage

Soulmates Exist

There is one person in the entire universe who is perfect for me. Wrong. Not a soul on this planet is perfect. There is no one on earth who is 100% a perfect match for you. If you are looking for that person, in order to get married, you will be single forever. If you continue to listen to the world and have unrealistic expectations, not only will you continue to jeopardize your own heart, but you will continue to damage the hearts of others in the process. Nowhere in the Bible does it tell us that God has a soul mate for us. In fact, the Bible doesn't even speak about compatibility among people. There is no such thing as compatibility between two sinners. We are all sinners, so none of us are compatible! We often have such vain and shallow excuses that we use to disqualify people from being marriage material. We look at every aspect of a person, except what is most important. God isn't concerned with that person's past, their baggage, how good of a texter they are, what sports team they like, or how they cook or clean. The only requirements God gives us for choosing a mate is that they must be fully committed to Christ.

Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. 2 Corinthians 6:14

That's it. Everything else is fluff we use to justify our own selfish, worldly desires. Are they actively and passionately pursuing Christ? If the answer is yes, then they are a perfectly acceptable "sole" mate in the eyes of God. The Bible instructs us on how to discern who is a worthy spouse in Matthew 7:16, where it says we will "know them by their fruits". 

I used to think that God would send someone for me to marry. That he had someone, somewhere, predestined to be with me. That this person was just being saved for "such a time as this". I no longer believe that God has set aside a specific Boaz for us. It's not in the Bible that He has. Just because that was the theme of Ruth's story, does not make it a staple of God's character. As a matter of fact, God doesn't tell us who to love, He tells us how to love.  

Attraction is Key

The second Marriage Myth we believe in is that attraction is most important. What if someone loves God, but I'm not attracted to them? Now, let's be real, that is a true struggle. But, we have to remember what's important. Obviously, if you are repulsed by someone, that is probably not a person you should marry. However, some of us have gone outside of God's word and His will and become conditioned to want what society says is important. Does she have big boobs? Does he have a six pack? Her hair isn't long enough. He's too short. She can't cook. He doesn't make enough money. These are preferences, not requirements. In truth, when we seek after God, we become attracted to the things that He is attracted to. According to Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised (Proverbs 31, is specifically speaking to women, but we can substitute man or person for woman here). Again, we see that what is most important to God is our future spouses relationship with Him, not their physical appearance or arbitrary attributes. When all of that fades - and it will - we must remain married 'til death do we part. However, our spouses relationship with God should consistently grow over the course of our lives. Remember, attraction is not a substitute for God's wisdom.

Marriage is for Sex

The third misconception that we have when it comes to marriage is that we should get married so we can have sex. Sure, God designed sex to take place within marriage, but sex is not the purpose. Marriage is the purpose. The purpose of sex within marriage is intimacy (two flesh becoming one physically and symbolically forever - Genesis 2:24) and procreation ("Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it" Genesis 6:28). Logically, God made sex pleasurable so we'd actually want to do it, so that we could fill the earth with disciples (Godly children). Sex was created to be sacred. God's design was for you to only experience it with one person, your entire life - no past pain, no preconceived notions, no inhibitions, nothing and no one to compare it to. But, we have watered it down and robbed it of it's sacredness. 

Marriage is supposed to make us happy

In his book Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas poses the question "What if God designed marriage to make us Holy more than to make us happy?" As a matter of fact, nowhere in scripture does it say anything about us getting married in order to find happiness. Society tells us "get married to be happy". God tells us "get married to become more like Me." There is no other context in this life that is a better demonstration of God's unfailing, unconditional love for us than through marriage. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery — but I am talking about Christ and the church.” Ephesians 5:31-32

If we go into marriage thinking the other persons job is to make us happy, we have unfair, unrealistic expectations of them. In fact, the person we marry is supposed to make us more like God both through their positive traits and their flaws. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” Proverbs 27:17We need to be more cognizant of what we are signing up for when we say "I do". We are vowing to choose (because love is a choice) to love that person, even when we aren't happy. Even when they get on our nerves. Even when they mess up and fail or disappoint us. Even when we're busy. We are vowing to extend God's love, grace and mercy to that person for the rest of our lives. No matter what. What if your spouse loses all their limbs on your honeymoon? Or you find out they are texting someone else two weeks after the wedding? Or the rich guy you married, loses his job? Or the woman you desperately want to raise a family with turns out to not be able to have children? Guess what... when you said "I do", you vowed to still love them not knowing what disappointments may come or what sins they may commit against you over the course of the next 60 years. That may sound harsh or unrealistic, but think about the ways we fail God every day and how he has already forgiven us and extends us Grace and Mercy anyway! We often think of marriage as a commitment, but that is a worldview of marriage. The God view of marriage is that it is a covenant. A commitment says "I'll hold up my end of the bargain, if you hold up yours". A covenant says "I'll hold up my end of the bargain, no matter what". Studies show that Christians who actively pray and seek God together have happier marriages and an almost non-existent divorce rate. So, there must be some truth to doing it God's way...

Thoughts, suggestions? What did you think? Comment below and let me know!


Stay tuned for the next post, which will build on this topic and go into the PURPOSE of marriage (why we should get married), by using the Subscribe button at the top of the screen. 


Comments

  1. Wow.. haven't got through it all, but I can relate to coming into the knowledge of the truths to the marriage myth post. My most favorite and one that I just realized this week is the marriage makes is to make us happy... NO its to get this spirit of mine right to be more like the Spirit (Jesus Christ) Amen. All Praises and Glory to God. : ) ... I cried on my way to work twice this week trying to figure out when I would get this spirit under control when it comes to my husband and why am I going through this? I could not help but to be hopeful that there is a meaning and a reason for this tribulation. I knew God is only trying to perfect me. Therefore, I am taking it one day at a time. Moment by moment to ensure I am slow to speak and allowing my speech to be graceful... Colossians 4:6 Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

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    1. I'm so glad to hear that you took something from the post. I think that in any relationship Christ can use it as a mirror for us to search our souls to see where we need to be more like Him! Sometimes what we see as the other persons issue, is really just a way for God to magnify our own faults, so we can work on them.

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  2. What a wonderful beginning!
    A born again Christian should seeks after godly standard when seeking a mate everything else is bonus. Looks will fade, strength can weaken, status may downsize, but when you choose a godly spirit its everlasting.

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a wonderful beginning!
    A born again Christian should seeks after godly standard when seeking a spouse everything else is a bonus. Looks will fade, strength can weaken, status may downsize, but when you choose a godly spirit its everlasting.

    ReplyDelete

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