My Life is NOT an Audition to be Your Wife


An Open Letter to the Men Who’ve Become Accustomed to “Pick Me” Women



My life is not an audition to be your wife.


2017 has brought about some truly unrealistic expectations from men when it comes to picking a mate. I blame social media for making you think that the perfect woman exists and for putting a wealth of candidates at your fingertips who are ready to “try out”. I blame the plethora of “pick me” women wandering around lost and looking for your approval. If you don’t know what a “pick me” is, here you go.

Women are growing tired of having to perform for you - of being asked to be everything and nothing at the same time. You want a wifey material, without even the title of a relationship. She has to care about you tremendously, but not too much as to scare you away. She should be available when you call, but not too available. She needs to have her own, but still need you. She's gotta look like Beyonce, but can't wear makeup. She needs to look like a Rolls Royce, but require the maintenance of a Mazda. She should hold her man down, while he is still in the struggle and build him up (often times, so he can then leave her for some grass he thinks is greener). And the age old, she's gotta be a "lady in the streets..." ya'll can finish it.


Ya’ll love asking women to be a finished product, meanwhile you enter the relationship like undercooked chicken, just waiting to give somebody salmonella. How about we turn the tables and you audition for us? Then, we can come up with some ambiguous list of, often contradictory, requirements that you need to live up to in order to be worthy. Let’s be honest, 9 times out of 10, men really think they have a lot more to offer than they actually do. Ya’ll are the best at tooting your own horn and thinking you’re either the first or the best to ever do it.

I consider myself a “Proverbs 31 Woman” (if you don’t know what that is… read your Bible). I serve the Lord. I can cook. I clean. My finances are excellent. I am educated. I tend to my home. I can take care of a family. I am well respected. I eat right (most of the time). I work. I multitask. I have various endeavors going on at any given time. I am beautiful on the inside - and outside. Still, none of these things do I do in an attempt to get a man to “pick” me. I do them for me. I do them for Jesus. I do them because they are simply a part of who I am. They don’t make me any more or any less worthy of being a wife.


This isn’t American Idol and you are not Simon Cowell. My responsibility is to myself and Jesus. In Proverbs 31, the Bible talks about the “ideal” woman. It talks about how she handles her business and in the process brings favor to her husband and her family. It never once mentions that she does what she does for his approval. To do something out of love is one thing. To do something out of expectation is another.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I do believe that within marriage there are certain obligations that two people have to each other. But, please… stop expecting women you’re casually dating to give you all the milk when you haven’t even put a down payment on the cow.

Comments

  1. This is, by far, the most powerful, insightful and empowering blog I have ever read on women/men behavior. Oh, and funny too. I loved it!

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    1. Thank you so much for your feedback! Please be sure to subscribe for future posts and I would appreciate it if you would share via social media. Thanks in advance!

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    2. Love, Love, Love this empowering piece.

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  2. This post hit home to my feelings pertaining to dating. My spiritual mother always said "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and attains favor from the Lord" I totally agree with this entire post. Thanks, for the follow that than brought me here to your well deserved blog to review. Great work indeed. Signed SJ The New Literary It Girl.

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    1. SJ, thank you for reading! I am glad that you found this post relevant. Please be sure to subscribe for future posts and I would appreciate it if you would share via social media. Thanks in advance!

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  3. This is excellent ! Truthful and funny too!! Thank you!

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  4. That quote pic was everything!! And thank you for referencing that what a man considers going on and what a woman of God considers going on is many times two different things. I have noticed this as well. Thank you sis for affirming that the standards that God has set for me are not too much to ask for and I shouldn't accept anything less.

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